This article explores what the Bible says, how church history informs the conversation, and how believers can build authentic relationships without compromising their faith. Real talk, practical wisdom, and coffee analogies included.
Wow, Pastor Chris, what a beautifully written and well-thought-out article. It's full of practical application. As we sometimes say, "That'll preach!" I've been able to have friendships and work with colleagues from all over the world - and from practically every religion - so I know your words to be true. I know the faithfulness of God and how He uses us to reach people by the way we live, talk, work and practice kindness. To live in a Christian "bubble" isn't biblical. Just look at Jesus, and Apostle Paul, and so many others. I often think of Rahab, proof that God will use anyone with a willing heart. These aren't "characters" in a book, but true accounts of God using real people to fulfill His Great Commission.
There was a season years ago where I had a very stressful job. I had colleagues and direct reports who took pleasure in being evil, ugly or spiteful. I maintained my composure, diplomacy, tact and even showed kindness and friendship to each one. All the while, I prayed every day that the Lord would protect me until such time as He removed me or the others from that environment. One day He spoke to me, as He does - not verbally but in my spirit. He showed me I had been put there because *I* was the light. I was there because that was my Holy assignment - to show others the love of Christ. I continued to befriend and simultaneously pray for release. Then one day, many months later, I physically *felt* the release He was offering me. He even orchestrated an opportunity for me to move into a new environment.
The lessons I learned through that experience - echoed in your exquisite post today - are that WE are the hands and feet of Jesus in this world. How will others come to know Him if we don't pray and show kindness? Only then may we have the opportunity to introduce others to Christ, where there is true freedom and life. Apostle Paul notoriously talked with each person on their level. He got to know them so that he might learn what approach to take in converting them.
Thank you SO much for such a moving - and instructive - piece today. Blessings to you!
You are so welcome, Lisa! God is doing something and I’m so blessed to be able to pour into believers this way. This idea came to me after realizing the struggle people have with being a believer in the world. As Paul said, “in the world, not OF the word.”
Very well written and thought out. How will we spread the gospel if we do not associate with those who are unbelievers? I think the answer is discernment. If we demonstrate love, compassion, understanding, and service to those who are not Christian, that is a witness to our faith and the life of Christ within us. On the other hand, if our friends tempt us to behavior, which is not godly, our duty is to gently refuse to do so, as a witness. We may, of course, subject ourselves to accusations of being a prude, or self-righteous, etc., etc. So be it. If we have a strong temptation to succumb to peer pressure with such individuals, it may be best to avoid them.
Appreciated this article. I have a few non-believing friends. Recently one was sharing her thoughts on the political issues of the day and I was honest with her about how my faith - meaning - 20+ years of time in with Jesus. This walk evolved all my views. Once I was also pro-choice but decades with Christ - now - I am pro-life. We also ended up talking about sin and salvation. It was an awkward conversation but I also didn’t want to lie to her about what was in my heart. I said that I thought our friendship was strong enough to handle the conversation. And we are still talking. I won’t ever stop loving and caring about her.
My faith also led me to stop drinking and in this world - it seems most people want to enjoy a glass of wine to hang out. This change, most of all - caused the greatest decline in my social friendships. As my faith gets older ( like an old tree) my friends have to be deeper ( like the roots)- and there will be fewer of them and that’s ok.
I do have to mention that one thing that's not being said is that when mixing relationships with unbelievers you are one foot in the world and one foot out. Also what is not being mentioned is that during the process of having friends That live in the world there is Spirit transference and spirits can transference from one person to another Both dead and alive And unless you are covered by the blood and wearing your armor and being both feet in Then the world will influence you and you will be lukewarr.
You are not to have friends that live in the world and still living for the world because that is watering down your belief system by saying it's okay to be friends with people that live this lifestyle and I can be different and mingle with them that's not what the word at all it tells us to do it says to do the exact opposite to stay away from people that are living in the world.
You can be nice to them and you can bless them and you can help them when needed but close friendships are not to be held with unbelievers and Believers or you will find yourself in a position where you are walking with oneYou can be nice to them and you can bless them and you can help them when needed but close friendships are not to be held with unbelievers and Believers or you will find yourself in a position where you are walking with one foot
Believers are protected by the Holy Spirit. I don't recall the Bible saying anything about spirit transference, that seems like a man made concept.
We are unlikely to be as effective in our witness to others if we can't develop some degree of relationship because people are unlikely to come to you in need if they feel you have set yourself so far apart.
I want to be there for them if they have had trouble in their life and they need a friend to talk to. That gives you the best opportunity to share your heart and tell about what gives you peace.
Hi Amber! Scripture is clear about being watchful (2 Corinthians 6:14, 1 Corinthians 15:33).
That said, Jesus was called a friend of sinners — not because He joined in their ways, but because He brought light into dark places (Matthew 9:10–13). He didn’t isolate Himself from the lost. He loved them without losing His identity. That’s the tension we’re called to live in.
You’re right — we shouldn’t have deep friendships that pull us away from God. But with spiritual maturity, prayer, and armor on, we can walk with people far from God without becoming like them. That’s how the Gospel spreads.
Good message Chris. Made me think about a situation a few years ago. Wife and I were debating one or two of my son’s friends and if they were a positive influence or if we should discourage the friendship. Took a few minutes but we eventually settled on maybe they weren’t the best influence on him but maybe he could be a good one on them. Everyone needs good friends just as the unbeliever needs the believer in their life.
Thank you for this article. I have found that one of my struggles is that when I am around a group of non-believers I get very drained afterwards, like I might be the light but I feel like the other people are dimming it!
Heather Congrove this post is going to you. Whoever liked your post about me, they are going to get this post. I am going to share this post URL link in text messages to the people on my text list too. I pray for the lost. People that claim to be Christians can also be lost. Heather Congrove has not posted since October 2, 2025. Ms Anthrope posted two posts today. You can check them out on WordPress. I shared their URL link above, so go check out. I am already on my fifth page now. I am glad I am getting my journaling done today. If you are an adult telling people that you are having sex with underage children then please report it, so the authorities can investigate, so they might make an arrest, if they get caught doing it. If there is an adult telling you that they are having sex with underage children then do not associate with them. My ex-boyfriend is a thirty two year old man letting me know that he is having sex with underage girls, so I should have gotten away from him because he is breaking the law. I don't want to get involved with a case with him having sex with underage girls. The witnesses in the court case are the women he let me know he had sex with them when they were underage girls. One girl was like seventeen years old, but her mom told her not to turn him in. I don't know how old the other woman was when they had sex, but she went to school to say, “An adult had sex with her when she was underage.” I know other men that do have sex with underage girls when they are in their fifties or sixties, so they should know better than that. This is a hot topic, so I am sorry that I mentioned it. I want to talk about something else. I am going to write five pages then I am going to write a half page on the sixth page. I am going to make another paragraph. I am going to have to maybe stop for a little while to go see my family members. I really enjoy my life. Thank you for reading my posts. I appreciate your comments. I appreciate you being my friend. I am very happy right now. I am going to write two more paragraphs here. I need to read the Bible verse of the day. I am on Genesis 25.
It has been a good day. I had a great time with my family members yesterday. We went to church yesterday. Then we went to the mall. We got back to their house. We are tacos. We watched a movie. We all went to bed. Then we got some breakfast when everybody woke up. Then we left their house around 2:00 p.m. We are going to visit my dad’s family now. I am going to make the last paragraph right now.
Now, I am making the last paragraph. I am going to send this post out to people. I really don't know what else to say right now. There is nothing to say now. I am going to get back on the phone later today, so I will talk to you later today.
Wow, Pastor Chris, what a beautifully written and well-thought-out article. It's full of practical application. As we sometimes say, "That'll preach!" I've been able to have friendships and work with colleagues from all over the world - and from practically every religion - so I know your words to be true. I know the faithfulness of God and how He uses us to reach people by the way we live, talk, work and practice kindness. To live in a Christian "bubble" isn't biblical. Just look at Jesus, and Apostle Paul, and so many others. I often think of Rahab, proof that God will use anyone with a willing heart. These aren't "characters" in a book, but true accounts of God using real people to fulfill His Great Commission.
There was a season years ago where I had a very stressful job. I had colleagues and direct reports who took pleasure in being evil, ugly or spiteful. I maintained my composure, diplomacy, tact and even showed kindness and friendship to each one. All the while, I prayed every day that the Lord would protect me until such time as He removed me or the others from that environment. One day He spoke to me, as He does - not verbally but in my spirit. He showed me I had been put there because *I* was the light. I was there because that was my Holy assignment - to show others the love of Christ. I continued to befriend and simultaneously pray for release. Then one day, many months later, I physically *felt* the release He was offering me. He even orchestrated an opportunity for me to move into a new environment.
The lessons I learned through that experience - echoed in your exquisite post today - are that WE are the hands and feet of Jesus in this world. How will others come to know Him if we don't pray and show kindness? Only then may we have the opportunity to introduce others to Christ, where there is true freedom and life. Apostle Paul notoriously talked with each person on their level. He got to know them so that he might learn what approach to take in converting them.
Thank you SO much for such a moving - and instructive - piece today. Blessings to you!
You are so welcome, Lisa! God is doing something and I’m so blessed to be able to pour into believers this way. This idea came to me after realizing the struggle people have with being a believer in the world. As Paul said, “in the world, not OF the word.”
Amen, brother. God bless you for being so faithful in your calling. I'm so happy you're here in this space, doing such important work.
Very well written and thought out. How will we spread the gospel if we do not associate with those who are unbelievers? I think the answer is discernment. If we demonstrate love, compassion, understanding, and service to those who are not Christian, that is a witness to our faith and the life of Christ within us. On the other hand, if our friends tempt us to behavior, which is not godly, our duty is to gently refuse to do so, as a witness. We may, of course, subject ourselves to accusations of being a prude, or self-righteous, etc., etc. So be it. If we have a strong temptation to succumb to peer pressure with such individuals, it may be best to avoid them.
I agree I asked myself this question sometimes! Jesus said he did not come for the healthy one’s but for
the sick instead!
Very well written and to the point. A conversation most of us have internally and with loved ones time and again, put to paper.
Appreciated this article. I have a few non-believing friends. Recently one was sharing her thoughts on the political issues of the day and I was honest with her about how my faith - meaning - 20+ years of time in with Jesus. This walk evolved all my views. Once I was also pro-choice but decades with Christ - now - I am pro-life. We also ended up talking about sin and salvation. It was an awkward conversation but I also didn’t want to lie to her about what was in my heart. I said that I thought our friendship was strong enough to handle the conversation. And we are still talking. I won’t ever stop loving and caring about her.
My faith also led me to stop drinking and in this world - it seems most people want to enjoy a glass of wine to hang out. This change, most of all - caused the greatest decline in my social friendships. As my faith gets older ( like an old tree) my friends have to be deeper ( like the roots)- and there will be fewer of them and that’s ok.
I do have to mention that one thing that's not being said is that when mixing relationships with unbelievers you are one foot in the world and one foot out. Also what is not being mentioned is that during the process of having friends That live in the world there is Spirit transference and spirits can transference from one person to another Both dead and alive And unless you are covered by the blood and wearing your armor and being both feet in Then the world will influence you and you will be lukewarr.
You are not to have friends that live in the world and still living for the world because that is watering down your belief system by saying it's okay to be friends with people that live this lifestyle and I can be different and mingle with them that's not what the word at all it tells us to do it says to do the exact opposite to stay away from people that are living in the world.
You can be nice to them and you can bless them and you can help them when needed but close friendships are not to be held with unbelievers and Believers or you will find yourself in a position where you are walking with oneYou can be nice to them and you can bless them and you can help them when needed but close friendships are not to be held with unbelievers and Believers or you will find yourself in a position where you are walking with one foot
Believers are protected by the Holy Spirit. I don't recall the Bible saying anything about spirit transference, that seems like a man made concept.
We are unlikely to be as effective in our witness to others if we can't develop some degree of relationship because people are unlikely to come to you in need if they feel you have set yourself so far apart.
I want to be there for them if they have had trouble in their life and they need a friend to talk to. That gives you the best opportunity to share your heart and tell about what gives you peace.
Hi Amber! Scripture is clear about being watchful (2 Corinthians 6:14, 1 Corinthians 15:33).
That said, Jesus was called a friend of sinners — not because He joined in their ways, but because He brought light into dark places (Matthew 9:10–13). He didn’t isolate Himself from the lost. He loved them without losing His identity. That’s the tension we’re called to live in.
You’re right — we shouldn’t have deep friendships that pull us away from God. But with spiritual maturity, prayer, and armor on, we can walk with people far from God without becoming like them. That’s how the Gospel spreads.
Yes. Simply yes.
Good message Chris. Made me think about a situation a few years ago. Wife and I were debating one or two of my son’s friends and if they were a positive influence or if we should discourage the friendship. Took a few minutes but we eventually settled on maybe they weren’t the best influence on him but maybe he could be a good one on them. Everyone needs good friends just as the unbeliever needs the believer in their life.
Thank you for this article. I have found that one of my struggles is that when I am around a group of non-believers I get very drained afterwards, like I might be the light but I feel like the other people are dimming it!
It’s helpful to read about taking a step back.
yes, but we do not get into covenant relationships with them
Absolutely loved this topic and your insight on it.
Yes, but you have to spend your time wisely with them and invite them into your space.
i have friends of all faith levels, but I’m closer with those who are equally yolked.
Heather Congrove this post is going to you. Whoever liked your post about me, they are going to get this post. I am going to share this post URL link in text messages to the people on my text list too. I pray for the lost. People that claim to be Christians can also be lost. Heather Congrove has not posted since October 2, 2025. Ms Anthrope posted two posts today. You can check them out on WordPress. I shared their URL link above, so go check out. I am already on my fifth page now. I am glad I am getting my journaling done today. If you are an adult telling people that you are having sex with underage children then please report it, so the authorities can investigate, so they might make an arrest, if they get caught doing it. If there is an adult telling you that they are having sex with underage children then do not associate with them. My ex-boyfriend is a thirty two year old man letting me know that he is having sex with underage girls, so I should have gotten away from him because he is breaking the law. I don't want to get involved with a case with him having sex with underage girls. The witnesses in the court case are the women he let me know he had sex with them when they were underage girls. One girl was like seventeen years old, but her mom told her not to turn him in. I don't know how old the other woman was when they had sex, but she went to school to say, “An adult had sex with her when she was underage.” I know other men that do have sex with underage girls when they are in their fifties or sixties, so they should know better than that. This is a hot topic, so I am sorry that I mentioned it. I want to talk about something else. I am going to write five pages then I am going to write a half page on the sixth page. I am going to make another paragraph. I am going to have to maybe stop for a little while to go see my family members. I really enjoy my life. Thank you for reading my posts. I appreciate your comments. I appreciate you being my friend. I am very happy right now. I am going to write two more paragraphs here. I need to read the Bible verse of the day. I am on Genesis 25.
It has been a good day. I had a great time with my family members yesterday. We went to church yesterday. Then we went to the mall. We got back to their house. We are tacos. We watched a movie. We all went to bed. Then we got some breakfast when everybody woke up. Then we left their house around 2:00 p.m. We are going to visit my dad’s family now. I am going to make the last paragraph right now.
Now, I am making the last paragraph. I am going to send this post out to people. I really don't know what else to say right now. There is nothing to say now. I am going to get back on the phone later today, so I will talk to you later today.
I am not getting on Medium. I got on ABC11. Billy Graham was a good pastor https://billygraham.org/answers/as-a-christian-shouldnt-i-spend-time-with-unbelievers too. You can look up these Bible verses https://biblehub.com/1_corinthians/5-11.htm anytime. I am not getting on TikTok. ABC7 talks about Vance wanting his wife to be a Christian https://www.google.com/amp/s/abc7ny.com/amp/post/turning-point-usa-event-vice-president-jd-vance-says-he-hopes-hindu-wife-usha-chilukuri-converts-christianity/18130419/ too. I am not Quera. I am not on Reddit. They both kicked me off because I posted there. I am going share some pictures on my Blogger after this post https://www.google.com/search?q=christians+should+not+associate+with+unbelievers&client=ms-android-motorola-rvo3&sca_esv=2e82bc2b963fb339&sxsrf=AE3TifN4DEm6W4O_cpnZ9VjiAic-nO8Zqw:1762721786121&udm=2&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi795iv-uWQAxXjpIkEHUSAEpgQ7Al6BQiGARAD&biw=412&bih=765&dpr=1.75 so go check these pictures out. I am not going to associate with people that get my eyes off my Christian Walk. I do pray for my boyfriend. He lost his dad last week, but I hope he does not think bad things about God after he lost his dad. He probably doesn't understand why God gave him this issue with his heart, but God didn’t do that to him. He probably wondered why God gave him ulcers, but God did not give him ulcers either. I am going to make five pages of journaling before we see my uncle. My Uncle is a Rabbi. He got a degree to be a Rabbi. He found out our last name is Jewish. He is a Messianic. He celebrates the Jewish holidays also believing that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. They allow anybody to come into the congregation. They also talked about sex offenders coming into their conger to join the service. As Christians, we need to welcome anybody into the church. I am going to write three more paragraphs now.
Pray for people https://theamericanchristianpodcast.simplecast.com/episodes/episode-29-should-christians-associate-with-unbelievers-qIBFpYUx too. I am going to check out these websites https://www.crosswalk.com/faith/spiritual-life/should-christians-be-friends-with-unbelievers.html too. I love looking online on Google Search Engine https://careynieuwhof.com/why-christians-should-let-non-christians-off-the-moral-hook/ too. They have an article about it on Blogger https://apologetics-notes.comereason.org/2014/10/are-we-not-to-judge-unbelievers.html?m=1 so I am going to add them, so I can follow them on Blogger. I am not to look up the articles on Facebook because I never want to be on Facebook again. We cannot judge unbelievers https://www.google.com/amp/s/billmuehlenberg.com/2018/07/25/but-we-cant-judge-unbelievers/%3famp=1 but we should not judge anybody. I am involved in this website https://au.thegospelcoalition.org/article/1-corinthians-5-necessary-loving-not-associate-eat-certain-christians/ so thank you. We are talking about being a Christian dating a non believer https://www.openbible.info/topics/dating_non_believers on here. There are a lot of things on Facebook talking about Christians staying away from un believers. It looks like the Desiring God website looks like it is a website to look like. There is another website called GotQuestions. I am involved eBible. The Christian Forum website that you can check out. Grace To You is another website you can look at. I am not getting on Instagram.
Show the Atheists love that Jesus gives you. Read the Holy Bible to them then help them understand how Christians live on Earth as Christians. Heather Congrove is not a good example for the Atheists, but I will pray for her. I found a website where you can be friends with Atheists, but if the Atheists are getting your eyes off your Christian Walk then you need to stay away from them https://www.gotquestions.org/friendships-unbelievers.html now. There are several websites about Christians being friends with Atheists https://rcsprouljr.com/should-christians-be-good-friends-with-unbelievers/ so that is a good thing. My boyfriend did not get raised in a Christian home, so I don't know if he is a Christian https://www.jerseygrace.org/sermons/sermon/2014-09-21/relationships-with-unbelievers so I am going to pray for him. I know several Bible verses talking about believers should not get involved with unbelievers https://www.theologyofwork.org/new-testament/2-corinthians/working-with-nonbelievers-2-corinthians-614-18/ now. Heather Congrove should know what the Holy Bible says about Christians associating with unbelievers https://www.vincentcheung.com/2007/01/01/association-with-unbelievers/ but she does not know any better, sorry. Now these websites talk about Christians being married to unbelievers https://www.str.org/w/is-friendship-with-unbelievers-being-unequally-yoked- now. You can ask these questions to this Bible website https://ebible.com/questions/10384-should-we-be-associated-with-non-believers too. I am not associating with people that get my eyes off my Christian Walk https://www.reviveourhearts.com/articles/should-christians-befriend-non-christians/?srsltid=AfmBOor3c4fW8PH4SnqKcB72z2GCtiWtZNfoFIGOdHLEb8mGx0ugkGwe now. They have some good Podcasts https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/should-christians-partner-with-non-christians-on-social-issues now. Sermons about not being friends with unbelievers when you are a Christian https://www.gty.org/sermons/47-44/separating-from-unbelievers-part-1 so check it out. I have already shared these Bible verses with you https://thewitness.org/what-does-the-bible-say-about-being-friends-with-unbelievers/ too. Christians can be with unbeliever, if they don't get their eyes off their Christian Walk https://beautifulchristianlife.com/blog/can-i-date-an-unbeliever so it is confusing to all of us. Vance is married to an unbeliever https://abc11.com/post/turning-point-usa-event-vice-president-jd-vance-says-he-hopes-hindu-wife-usha-chilukuri-converts-christianity/18130419/ so he wants her to become a Christian. There are some good articles online about Christians being friends with Atheists https://www.christianforums.com/threads/does-scripture-allow-believers-to-be-friends-close-friends-with-non-believers.8270064/ too. I am looking up more articles about Christians that associate with Atheists https://www.heavenonwheels.org/p/do-not-be-yoked-together-with-unbelievers too.