How To Make A Marriage Work

Today, we're diving into something near and dear to my heart – making marriages work. Yep, you heard me right, it's not just about staying together, it's about thriving together. As a Pastor, I've seen marriages at their highs and lows - mine included, and I have a few ideas on what makes a marriage work. So, grab your coffee, get comfy, and chat about keeping marriages strong.

There's something truly remarkable about a marriage that lasts. This kind of marriage is a living testament to God's grace. When a husband and wife find joy in each other's company and support and uplift one another, it's as if they echo God's love for His children. A loving marriage becomes a beacon of hope, showing the world what it means to love and be loved, just as God loves us. It's a beautiful reminder that we are all part of something greater – a divine plan with love and commitment.

Foundation of Faith

It might surprise you that the foundation of lasting marriages isn't sweet pillow talk or exotic vacations in far-off places. While those moments are undoubtedly special, faith is the true cornerstone, pure and simple. It's a faith that extends far beyond exchanging vows on a wedding day.

Faith stands unwavering in a world filled with fleeting romances and ever-changing trends. It's the glue that holds two hearts together when the initial sparks of infatuation dim. This faith isn't blind; it's a trust in God's divine plan for your lives as a couple. It's a recognition that He, the author of love itself, is the ultimate guide in this sacred journey of marriage.

Consider the words of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, which remind us, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

This profound passage illustrates that love, at its core, is intertwined with faith and trust in God's love and His teachings.

So, when we say faith is the foundation of lasting marriages, we're speaking of a faith that binds two people together and connects them to a higher purpose. It's the understanding that through the highs and lows of life, through every triumph and trial, God is walking alongside you, guiding your steps, and strengthening your love. It's an unshakable belief that as you trust Him, your marriage becomes a living testimony of His enduring love and grace.

Love and Selflessness

Love is not merely an emotion - it’s an active choice and a daily commitment to selflessness. The Bible beautifully articulates this concept in 1 Corinthians 13. It says:

This passage makes it clear that love is marked by patience, kindness, humility, and a willingness to put the needs of others above our own. In the context of marriage, it means being selfless in your actions, thoughts, and intentions towards your spouse. It’s a love that continually seeks the best for your partner, even when faced with challenges.

How do we demonstrate love and sacrificial service?

1. Communication: Open and honest communication goes a long way. Take time to listen to your spouse’s thoughts and feelings without judgment. Show empathy and understanding in your conversations.

2. Acts of Kindness: Small gestures of kindness can go a long way. Surprise your spouse with their favorite meal, leave love notes, or offer a helping hand when they need it most.

3. Forgiveness: Remember, no one is perfect. Be quick to forgive and let go of grudges. Make sure it’s genuine. Your spouse knows when you’re not being authentic in your communication. Forgiveness is a powerful act of love and healing in a marriage.

4. Shared Goals: Work together toward common goals and dreams. This creates a sense of unity and purpose, strengthening your bond as you support each other’s aspirations.

5. Quality Time: Invest in quality time with each other. Put away distractions and focus on being present with your spouse. Whether it’s a date night or a quiet evening at home, cherish these moments together.

6. Prayer: Praying together as a couple is a powerful way to deepen your spiritual connection and seek God’s guidance in your marriage. In my experience, when you ask a wife what she wants from her husband, praying together is usually high on that list.

7. Seeking Counsel: Don’t hesitate to seek advice from experienced couples or a trusted Pastor when facing significant challenges. Seeking help is a courageous act of love and a commitment to growth.

Communication and Understanding

Effective communication is the heartbeat of a thriving marriage. It's not merely about talking; it's about truly hearing and understanding one another. In marriage, we're called to practice patience, active listening, and empathy—qualities deeply rooted in the wisdom of the Bible.

Patience and Listening

The Bible teaches us the significance of patience in relationships. Proverbs 14:29 reminds us,

"Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly."

This verse emphasizes the connection between patience and understanding. When patient with our spouse, we create a space where meaningful dialogue can flourish.

Additionally, James 1:19 instructs us,

"My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry."

This biblical wisdom encourages us to be deliberate in our listening, giving our spouse the time and space to express themselves without interruption.

Practical Steps for Effective Communication

1. Active Listening: When your spouse speaks, give them your full attention. Avoid distractions and interruptions. Show that you value their words by maintaining eye contact and acknowledging them.

2. Empathetic Responses: Seek to understand your spouse's perspective and emotions. Respond with empathy rather than judgment. This fosters a sense of emotional connection and trust.

3. Healthy Conflict Resolution: Disagreements are inevitable in any relationship. When conflicts arise, approach them with humility and a desire to find solutions together. Remember, it's not about winning an argument but strengthening your bond.

4. Regular Check-Ins: Make time for intentional conversations about your relationship. Discuss your hopes, dreams, and concerns openly and honestly.

5. Prayerful Communication: Incorporate prayer into your communication. Seek God's guidance and wisdom in your conversations, inviting His presence to strengthen your connection.

Communication and understanding are the channels through which love and trust flow in a marriage. By practicing patience, active listening, and empathy, you create a safe and nurturing environment where your love can flourish.

Forgiveness and Grace

Forgiveness and grace are the healing balm that soothes the wounds every marriage inevitably faces. In the Bible, we find profound wisdom on the importance of forgiveness and extending grace to one another.

One of the most powerful examples of forgiveness is in Ephesians 4:32, which states,

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

This verse reminds us that our forgiveness of others should mirror the incredible grace and forgiveness that God has shown us through Jesus Christ.

Additionally, Colossians 3:13 emphasizes the need for patience and forgiveness within the marital relationship, saying,

"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."

Here, we see the connection between God's forgiveness and our willingness to forgive our spouse's shortcomings and mistakes.

Practical Steps for Practicing Forgiveness

1. Letting Go of Resentment: Forgiveness starts with letting go of resentment and bitterness. Holding onto grudges can poison a marriage, so release those negative emotions by giving them to God.

2. Open Communication: If you've been hurt, communicate your feelings with your spouse honestly and lovingly. Sharing your emotions can lead to better understanding and healing.

3. Seek God's Guidance: Turn to God in prayer and seek His guidance in forgiveness. Ask for the strength to forgive and the wisdom to move forward.

4. Remember Your Imperfections: Reflect on your imperfections and mistakes. Recognizing that we all fall short can foster empathy and compassion for your spouse's shortcomings.

5. Rebuild Trust: Forgiveness is a process often involving rebuilding trust. Take steps to rebuild trust in your relationship, such as setting boundaries or seeking counseling if necessary.

6. Practice Grace: Extend grace to your spouse just as God extends grace to us. Remember that none of us are perfect; we all need grace and second chances.

In marriage, forgiveness and grace are not signs of weakness but strength. They are how wounds are healed, relationships are restored, and love grows stronger. When we forgive, we emulate God's boundless love and mercy, creating a resilient and thriving marriage built on grace.

As we conclude this post, I invite you to join the conversation. Please share your thoughts, experiences, or questions in the comments below. Your insights and stories can inspire and support others on their journey.

Additionally, I encourage you to explore further resources on building and strengthening your marriage in alignment with your faith. Seek out books, seminars, or counseling services that align with your values and beliefs, and continue to invest in the sacred bond you share with your spouse.

May God's grace guide your path, and may your marriage be a beacon of His love and light in this world. Amen.