Is Your Church Toxic?
How to Recognize and Transform Harmful Cultures
Hi friends! I’m Pastor Chris and I write a weekly newsletter to encourage believers. Subscribe below:
Over the past 25 years, I’ve served on staff at three churches, and have served with a handful of Pastors, leaders, and volunteers.
Everyone has areas of growth, but probably the most challenging thing for a team is a toxic leader.
Does it really happen in the church?
Surprisingly, yes.
Most people who sit in the pews every week have no idea about the toxic behavior that can fester behind the scenes. Maybe it’s because the Pastor has lots of charisma, and never shows that side of their personality. Or maybe there’s a disconnect between their public and private personas.
When you’ve been at a church for a few years and you join or lead a team, this is often where you see the clash. The dynamic shifts, and you start to notice the cracks in what seemed like a perfect community. The reality of toxic culture in churches can be jarring, but recognizing it is the first step toward transformation.
I remember being at church as a kid and having a headache. I was told to go ask the Pastor’s wife for medication because if anyone in the church had something for a headache, it was going to be her.
There are days when it’s funny, and there are days when it’s all too real.
Those moments made me realize that behind the smiles and sermons, there's a reality of exhaustion and unspoken expectations that many church leaders and volunteers face. Toxic culture in churches isn’t just a distant possibility—it’s a reality that can affect anyone in the community, often in subtle yet significant ways.
In the book of 1 Samuel, we find a vivid example of toxic leadership in King Saul. As Israel's first king, Saul started with promise but soon succumbed to jealousy, insecurity, and a desire for control. His toxic behavior was especially evident in his relationship with David. Despite David’s loyalty and service, Saul's insecurity led him to view David as a threat. This culminated in Saul's relentless pursuit to kill David, causing immense strife and fear within his court and nation.
Saul’s toxic leadership created an environment of suspicion and fear. His erratic behavior and inability to celebrate the successes of others eroded trust and unity. As we read in 1 Samuel 18:7-9: “And the women sang to one another as they celebrated, ‘Saul has struck down his thousands, and David his ten thousands.’ And Saul was very angry, and this saying displeased him. He said, ‘They have ascribed to David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed thousands. And what more can he have but the kingdom?’ And Saul eyed David from that day on.”
This is a powerful reminder of how destructive toxic leadership can be. The Church is not immune to this.
Reflecting on Our Own Behavior
As we consider the story of King Saul, it’s crucial to turn the mirror on ourselves. Toxic culture doesn't develop in a vacuum; it often involves the actions and attitudes of many individuals.
Here are some things to consider:
Do I struggle with jealousy or insecurity? Like Saul, do we feel threatened by the success of others? Reflect on James 3:16: “For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.”
Am I fostering an environment of fear or trust? Do people feel safe to express their ideas and concerns? Proverbs 29:25 reminds us: “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.”
How do I handle conflicts and disagreements? Are they resolved constructively or do they escalate? Consider Proverbs 15:1: “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Am I supporting and celebrating my team? Do we uplift and encourage each other’s growth? Reflect on 1 Thessalonians 5:11: “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.”
Taking an honest look at our behavior is the first step toward fostering a healthier culture. It’s not about placing blame but about seeking growth and improvement.
But I’m Not In Charge: What Can I Do to Affect Change?
Creating a positive culture isn't just the responsibility of church leaders; everyone plays a part. Here are some practical steps you can take to influence change, no matter your role:
Speak Up Respectfully
Share your observations and concerns with those in leadership. Approach the conversation with humility and a desire for positive change. Ephesians 4:15 encourages us to “speak the truth in love.”
Model Positive Behavior
Be the change you want to see. Demonstrate respect, encouragement, and patience in your interactions with others. Philippians 2:3-4 reminds us: “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others.”
Support Your Leaders
Leading a church is challenging. Offer support and encouragement to your leaders, helping to lighten their load. Hebrews 13:17 tells us: “Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you.”
Foster Community
Help build a sense of community and belonging within the church. Organize small groups, fellowship events, and other activities that promote unity. Romans 12:16 encourages us to “live in harmony with one another.”
Pray for Your Church
Prayer is powerful. Pray for your leaders, fellow volunteers, and the church community as a whole. James 5:16 states: “The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.”
Steps to Create a Positive Culture in Your Church
Building a positive culture requires intentional effort and commitment. Here are practical steps to guide this transformation:
Recognize Your Humanity
Understand that everyone, including leaders, has flaws and makes mistakes. Embrace humility and be open to feedback. Romans 12:3 says, “For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.”
Set Clear Boundaries
Define roles, responsibilities, and expectations. Clear boundaries help prevent misunderstandings and ensure everyone knows their part. Galatians 6:5 reminds us: “For each will have to bear his own load.”
Practice Patience
Change doesn’t happen overnight. Be patient with yourself and others as you work toward a healthier environment. Ephesians 4:2 encourages us to “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love.”
Seek Wise Counsel
Surround yourself with trusted advisors who can offer objective perspectives and guidance. Proverbs 15:22 says, “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.”
Choose Forgiveness
Forgiveness is crucial in any community. Holding onto grudges only perpetuates toxicity. Choose to forgive and move forward. Colossians 3:13 tells us, “bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”
Encourage Open Communication
Foster a culture where team members feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and concerns. Open communication builds trust and collaboration. James 1:19 advises us, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.”
Celebrate Successes Together
Acknowledge and celebrate the achievements of your team. This boosts morale and reinforces a sense of unity and purpose. Romans 12:15 tells us, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”
Creating a positive culture in your church is not just about avoiding toxicity but about actively building a community grounded in trust, respect, and love. Reflect on your behavior, embrace the steps to foster change, and commit to continuous growth. Share this article with others who might benefit from it, and let’s journey together toward healthier, more vibrant church communities.
Feel free to share your own experiences in the comments. How have you navigated toxic cultures, and what steps have helped you create positive change?
Hey Chris - thanks for posting. Working towards unity in the church is not easy work. The more leaders and members can look to peacemaking efforts I find is helpful. Are you familiar with the book, Peacemaker by Ken Sande? That is a nice resource.
When we become in-dwelt, worldly strategies become obsolete. The job of Elders, all in-dwelt saved souls, is to discern worldly from spiritual.