What David and Jonathan Teach Us About Friendship
Hey there! I’m Chris McKinney and I write Faith Unplugged. If you’re feeling the need for deep friendships, you’ve come to the right place. If this article helps you, consider a subscription or buy me a coffee to keep articles like this coming.
I remember sitting across from a friend at a coffee shop a few years ago. Not a casual “how’s the weather” kind of conversation, but one of those moments where you can feel the weight of what’s about to be said.
He looked at me and said, “I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone this before…”
And in that moment, I realized something.
Most people don’t lack relationships.
They lack safe relationships.
They have people around them but not people they can be known by.
That’s what makes the friendship between David and Jonathan so powerful. It’s not just a nice Bible story. It’s a picture of the kind of friendship we actually longing for.
Let’s step into their story for a minute.
A Friendship That Didn’t Make Sense
📖 1 Samuel 18:1
“The soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.”
This is one of those verses that’s easy to read quickly and miss how deep it really is.
Jonathan was the king’s son.
David was the rising threat to the throne.
By every cultural expectation, they should have been competitors.
But instead of competing, they connected.
That’s the first lesson:
Real friendship isn’t built on convenience. It’s built on connection.
They didn’t choose each other because it made sense politically.
They chose each other because something in their spirits aligned.
If we’re honest, most of us build friendships around proximity.
Work.
Church.
Shared interests.
But David and Jonathan remind us there’s a deeper level.
A God-formed connection.
A Friendship That Costs Something
📖 1 Samuel 18:4
“Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David…”
This wasn’t just generosity.
This was symbolic.
Jonathan was handing over his royal identity.
His future.
His position.
In other words, he was saying:
“I’m not going to fight you for what God has for you.”
That’s rare.
Because a lot of relationships feel supportive, until calling and purpose get involved.
That’s when comparison creeps in.
Jealousy whispers.
Competition quietly takes over.
But Jonathan shows us something different:
Real friendship celebrates your calling, even when it costs me something.
It’s the kind of friendship that says:
“I see what God is doing in your life and I’m for you.”
A Friendship That Tells the Truth
📖 1 Samuel 20:9
“If I knew that it was determined by my father that harm should come to you, would I not tell you?”
Jonathan didn’t just care about David.
He protected him with truth.
And this matters more than we like to admit.
Because it’s easy to surround ourselves with people who:
• Keep things light
• Avoid hard conversations
• Tell us what we want to hear
But that’s not real friendship.
Real friendship tells the truth even when it’s uncomfortable.
Not harshly.
Not arrogantly.
But honestly.
Proverbs says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Proverbs 27:6).
That kind of honesty doesn’t destroy relationships.
It strengthens them.
A Friendship That Stays Loyal
📖 1 Samuel 20:17
“And Jonathan made David swear again by his love for him, for he loved him as he loved his own soul.”
David’s life was unstable.
He was being hunted.
Forced to run.
Living in caves.
It would’ve been easy for Jonathan to distance himself.
But he didn’t.
He stayed.
Real friendship doesn’t disappear when life gets hard.
It doesn’t ghost you when things get messy.
It doesn’t fade when you’re no longer convenient.
It stays.
And if you’ve ever had someone stay with you in a hard season, you know how powerful that is.
A Friendship Rooted in God
📖 1 Samuel 23:16
“And Jonathan, Saul's son, rose and went to David at Horesh, and strengthened his hand in God.”
This might be the most important piece of all.
Jonathan didn’t just encourage David emotionally.
He pointed him back to God.
That’s the difference between a good friend and a godly friend.
A godly friend strengthens your faith, not just your feelings.
They remind you of truth when you’re tired.
They speak life when you’re discouraged.
They help you see what God is doing when you’ve lost perspective.
They don’t replace God.
They point you back to Him.
Let’s Be Honest for a Second
Most of us want a friendship like David and Jonathan.
But if we’re honest, we don’t always build friendships like that.
We keep things surface level.
We avoid vulnerability.
We hesitate to speak truth.
We pull back when things get inconvenient.
And then we wonder why we feel alone.
What This Means for You
So what do we do with this?
Let me make it simple and practical:
1. Ask God for the right people
Not just more people.
The right people.
📖 Proverbs 18:24
“There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”
2. Go first in vulnerability
Someone has to take the first step.
It might as well be you.
3. Celebrate, don’t compete
When someone around you is winning, choose joy.
4. Speak truth with grace
Say the hard thing.
But say it with love.
📖 Ephesians 4:15
“Speaking the truth in love…”
5. Be the friend you’re praying for
Don’t just look for a Jonathan.
Become one.
Final Thought
At the end of the day, David and Jonathan’s friendship points us to something even greater.
Because no human friendship can fully carry the weight our hearts are looking for.
That’s why Jesus steps in and says:
📖 John 15:13
“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.”
Jesus doesn’t just model friendship.
He becomes the friend our souls need.
The one who knows us fully.
Loves us completely.
And never walks away.
If this stirred something in you, don’t just move on.
Take a minute and ask yourself:
Who do I have in my life like this?
And who am I becoming to others?
And if someone came to mind while you were reading this, reach out to them.
That might be the start of the kind of friendship you’ve been praying for.
If this encouraged you, share it with someone who comes to mind. And I’d love to hear from you.
What has friendship looked like in your life?
Time with true-blue friends is uplifting. We check on each other, pray on the spot. It's good to 'spur one another on'.
I love this. Being this friend is as import to God as having one…but none of it is more impt than relying wholeheartedly on my Jesus - who indwells!