Chris, thank you for another thoughtful and encouraging article. I especially appreciated your reminder that our faith must ultimately rest in Christ rather than in even the most respected spiritual leaders. Your use of David and Saul beautifully illustrates that God's faithfulness is never dependent upon the faithfulness of those He uses.
One thought that came to mind as I read your article is that Scripture calls us not only to forgive but also to exercise discernment and to establish healthy spiritual boundaries. Proverbs 4:23 reminds us, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Likewise, Proverbs 13:20 teaches that those we walk closely with shape our lives, and Titus 3:10 instructs believers to separate from those who persistently sow division after loving correction. These passages remind us that biblical love and biblical wisdom are never in conflict.
I've found it helpful to remember a principle that summarizes several biblical teachings: we are called to love everyone, but not everyone should have the same level of trust or access. Jesus Himself demonstrated this. He loved all people, yet "did not entrust Himself to them, because He knew all people" (John 2:24). He also maintained different circles of relationship. The crowds, the seventy-two, the Twelve, and His closest companions, Peter, James, and John. Even when those in Nazareth sought to kill Him, He simply "passed through their midst and went away" (Luke 4:28–30), demonstrating that wisdom sometimes requires healthy boundaries.
Your distinction between forgiveness and restored trust was especially valuable. I believe adding a brief emphasis on guarding our hearts and practicing biblical discernment would make an already excellent article even stronger. Forgiveness releases revenge, but trust and access are wisely rebuilt through genuine repentance, humility, and proven faithfulness. Grace and boundaries are not opposites; they are both expressions of biblical wisdom.
Thank you again for faithfully pointing readers back to the Good Shepherd, who never fails His people (John 10:11). Articles like this help believers heal without becoming cynical, while encouraging them to keep their eyes fixed on Christ above all else.
Thank you for taking the time to write such a thoughtful response. I really appreciate the distinction you made between forgiveness and restored trust. Forgiveness releases revenge. Trust is rebuilt through repentance, humility, and consistent change. Jesus loved everyone, but He did not give everyone the same access to Him. That is an important reminder for anyone trying to heal without becoming cynical or unwise.
God brought me to himself, not man. I’ve seen some good men & some bad men. I refuse to judge & leave it up to the Father to judge & I’m fine with that. There’s no escape & God is just. But I can understand why Jesus said what he did at the end of Luke 18.
“Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. He said: “In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared what people thought. And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, ‘Grant me justice against my adversary.’ “For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or care what people think, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually come and attack me!’ ” And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly.
However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?””
Leaders will disappoint us because they are human. But God is still just, and He sees what we cannot always resolve ourselves. Luke 18 is such an important reminder to keep praying, keep trusting, and not give up while we wait for Him to make things right.
"You're wondering whether you can trust your own discernment again." More than the disappointment and hurt, it's the loss of trusting myself to see what was right in front of me all along. When I worked as a church secretary many years ago, there were red flags but the feeling of belonging blinded my eyes to what was happening. Now perhaps I trip myself up by that loss of trust in myself and in ministry. But God - He is still carrying me through.
Mary, thank you for sharing this so honestly. One of the deepest wounds of unhealthy leadership is that it can make us question what we clearly saw and felt. You were not wrong for wanting to belong. And you are not failing because rebuilding trust in your own discernment takes time. I’m grateful God is still carrying you, even while you learn to trust yourself again.
Been through all of this. Heart wrenching for sure. Thank you for sharing.
Food for thought?
Perhaps we underestimate the evil that is still in all men - without the daily cross, crucified life, evil will lurk, dwell, and manifest.
"And these things, brethren, I have in a figure transferred to myself and to Apollos for your sakes; that ye might learn in us not to think of men above that which is written, that no one of you be puffed up for one against another." 1 Corinthians 4:6
"From what has been said concerning us, who, however eminent we are, are mere instruments in God's hand. Not to think of any man above what is here written - Or above what scripture warrants. 1Co 3:7" John Wesley
"I have planted, Apollos watered; but God gave the increase. 7 So then neither is he that planteth any thing, neither he that watereth; but God that giveth the increase. 8 Now he that planteth and he that watereth are one: and every man shall receive his own reward according to his own labour. 9 For we are labourers together with God: ye are God's husbandry, ye are God's building." 1 Corinthians 3:6-9
"We can readily see that the planter and the waterer are (merely planting the incorruptible Word of God) ... They have not the power in themselves to bring forth life. Why then should there be any envy or rivalry among Christian workers? Each should do the work that has been allotted to him, and rejoice when the Lord shows His hand in blessing." Believer's Bible Commentary
"Out of a sense of Christian courtesy and delicacy, Paul transferred the entire matter to himself and Apollos so that by their example the saints would learn not to have exaggerated opinions of their leaders or to gratify their pride by the formation of parties. He wanted the saints to evaluate everything and everyone by the Scriptures." Believer's Bible Commentary
Never underestimate the flesh and understand that beginning with us, me, regrettably, not one of us yet perfectly puts off the "old man" and puts on "the new man" by way of the cross life, daily.
"not to think of men above that which is written" 1 Corinthians 4:6
And just what is written of fallen men?
"verily every man at his best state is altogether vanity."
"LORD, make me to know mine end, and the measure of my days, what it is; that I may know how frail I am. 5 Behold, thou hast made my days as an handbreadth; and mine age is as nothing before thee: verily every man at his best state is altogether vanity. Selah." Psalms 39:4-5
The novice, the babe in Christ, the self-righteous are prone to act as if their friend sinned against them, not God .... "Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest." (Psalms 51:4)
"verily every man at his best state is altogether vanity." - This includes us. Me. You.
"For if we would judge ourselves, we should not be judged. 32 But when we are judged, we are chastened of the Lord, that we should not be condemned with the world." 1 Corinthians 11:31-32
"For there is not a just man upon earth, that doeth good, and sinneth not." Ecclesiastes 7:20
"For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not. ... O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?" Romans 7:18, 24
Would you hang, fellowship with the apostle Peter after he denied Jesus 3 times? Then led 8,000 souls to Christ....
Are we underestimating the restoring power of the LORD Jesus Christ? Luke 15
What about king David. Would you have fellowshipped with him after his sin?
Speaking of Romans, called by some "The ABC's of the Christian Faith", perhaps a fresh reading will ground us in the reality of man's evil and God's love, mercy, holiness, and goodness.
Thank you for taking the time to share all of this. I agree that we should never place leaders on a pedestal or forget that every one of us still needs the grace of God daily. Scripture gives us many examples of serious failure, repentance, and restoration. At the same time, grace does not require wounded people to ignore what happened or immediately restore trust. Repentance, accountability, changed behavior, and time are also part of biblical restoration. I believe we have to hold both truths together. No leader is beyond redemption. And no wounded person should be pressured to pretend the damage was not real.
Ah yes as I read your comment 1 Cor 9:27 and 10:12 come to mind for sure. Yes, as usual, the whole of Scripture must be considered and collated, held together as you stated. Blessings in Christ to you brother Chris.
One thing I often wonder about is always we are often so quick to vilify our leaders for being human while asking them to help us through our own human shortcomings. Yes, they are to be held to a high standard but we need to be careful not to expect them to be like God, never making a mistake or failing. They are human, just as we are, and often carry a heavy load as they do their best to lead and serve the people.
Rosaline, I really appreciate this perspective. Leaders should be held accountable, especially when real harm has been done. But we also have to leave room for them to be human. There is a difference between confronting unhealthy leadership and expecting a leader to never struggle, fail, or need grace. That balance is not always easy, but it matters.
Great article, Pastor Chris. Dallas Willard said something along the lines of, "A mature Christian is someone who is very difficult to offend."
I'm certainly not there, but it does speak to the necessity of investing in our own spiritual formation so that when the leadership hurts come, we can surrender the hurt to the Lord as quickly as possible.
Chris, thank you for another thoughtful and encouraging article. I especially appreciated your reminder that our faith must ultimately rest in Christ rather than in even the most respected spiritual leaders. Your use of David and Saul beautifully illustrates that God's faithfulness is never dependent upon the faithfulness of those He uses.
One thought that came to mind as I read your article is that Scripture calls us not only to forgive but also to exercise discernment and to establish healthy spiritual boundaries. Proverbs 4:23 reminds us, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Likewise, Proverbs 13:20 teaches that those we walk closely with shape our lives, and Titus 3:10 instructs believers to separate from those who persistently sow division after loving correction. These passages remind us that biblical love and biblical wisdom are never in conflict.
I've found it helpful to remember a principle that summarizes several biblical teachings: we are called to love everyone, but not everyone should have the same level of trust or access. Jesus Himself demonstrated this. He loved all people, yet "did not entrust Himself to them, because He knew all people" (John 2:24). He also maintained different circles of relationship. The crowds, the seventy-two, the Twelve, and His closest companions, Peter, James, and John. Even when those in Nazareth sought to kill Him, He simply "passed through their midst and went away" (Luke 4:28–30), demonstrating that wisdom sometimes requires healthy boundaries.
Your distinction between forgiveness and restored trust was especially valuable. I believe adding a brief emphasis on guarding our hearts and practicing biblical discernment would make an already excellent article even stronger. Forgiveness releases revenge, but trust and access are wisely rebuilt through genuine repentance, humility, and proven faithfulness. Grace and boundaries are not opposites; they are both expressions of biblical wisdom.
Thank you again for faithfully pointing readers back to the Good Shepherd, who never fails His people (John 10:11). Articles like this help believers heal without becoming cynical, while encouraging them to keep their eyes fixed on Christ above all else.
Thank you for taking the time to write such a thoughtful response. I really appreciate the distinction you made between forgiveness and restored trust. Forgiveness releases revenge. Trust is rebuilt through repentance, humility, and consistent change. Jesus loved everyone, but He did not give everyone the same access to Him. That is an important reminder for anyone trying to heal without becoming cynical or unwise.
Yes this is very well spoken and experienced by so many except Papa God never leaves our side through these painful journeys 🙏🙏🙏💃💃💃
The ramifications of broken trust can for certain make it challenging to be in a church community. It's wise to take it slow.
Thank you for emphasizing humility.
God brought me to himself, not man. I’ve seen some good men & some bad men. I refuse to judge & leave it up to the Father to judge & I’m fine with that. There’s no escape & God is just. But I can understand why Jesus said what he did at the end of Luke 18.
“Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. He said: “In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared what people thought. And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, ‘Grant me justice against my adversary.’ “For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or care what people think, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually come and attack me!’ ” And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly.
However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?””
Luke 18:1-8 NIV
Jim, I appreciate this.
Leaders will disappoint us because they are human. But God is still just, and He sees what we cannot always resolve ourselves. Luke 18 is such an important reminder to keep praying, keep trusting, and not give up while we wait for Him to make things right.
"You're wondering whether you can trust your own discernment again." More than the disappointment and hurt, it's the loss of trusting myself to see what was right in front of me all along. When I worked as a church secretary many years ago, there were red flags but the feeling of belonging blinded my eyes to what was happening. Now perhaps I trip myself up by that loss of trust in myself and in ministry. But God - He is still carrying me through.
Mary, thank you for sharing this so honestly. One of the deepest wounds of unhealthy leadership is that it can make us question what we clearly saw and felt. You were not wrong for wanting to belong. And you are not failing because rebuilding trust in your own discernment takes time. I’m grateful God is still carrying you, even while you learn to trust yourself again.
Been through all of this. Heart wrenching for sure. Thank you for sharing.
Food for thought?
Perhaps we underestimate the evil that is still in all men - without the daily cross, crucified life, evil will lurk, dwell, and manifest.
"And these things, brethren, I have in a figure transferred to myself and to Apollos for your sakes; that ye might learn in us not to think of men above that which is written, that no one of you be puffed up for one against another." 1 Corinthians 4:6
"From what has been said concerning us, who, however eminent we are, are mere instruments in God's hand. Not to think of any man above what is here written - Or above what scripture warrants. 1Co 3:7" John Wesley
"I have planted, Apollos watered; but God gave the increase. 7 So then neither is he that planteth any thing, neither he that watereth; but God that giveth the increase. 8 Now he that planteth and he that watereth are one: and every man shall receive his own reward according to his own labour. 9 For we are labourers together with God: ye are God's husbandry, ye are God's building." 1 Corinthians 3:6-9
"We can readily see that the planter and the waterer are (merely planting the incorruptible Word of God) ... They have not the power in themselves to bring forth life. Why then should there be any envy or rivalry among Christian workers? Each should do the work that has been allotted to him, and rejoice when the Lord shows His hand in blessing." Believer's Bible Commentary
"Out of a sense of Christian courtesy and delicacy, Paul transferred the entire matter to himself and Apollos so that by their example the saints would learn not to have exaggerated opinions of their leaders or to gratify their pride by the formation of parties. He wanted the saints to evaluate everything and everyone by the Scriptures." Believer's Bible Commentary
Never underestimate the flesh and understand that beginning with us, me, regrettably, not one of us yet perfectly puts off the "old man" and puts on "the new man" by way of the cross life, daily.
"not to think of men above that which is written" 1 Corinthians 4:6
And just what is written of fallen men?
"verily every man at his best state is altogether vanity."
"LORD, make me to know mine end, and the measure of my days, what it is; that I may know how frail I am. 5 Behold, thou hast made my days as an handbreadth; and mine age is as nothing before thee: verily every man at his best state is altogether vanity. Selah." Psalms 39:4-5
The novice, the babe in Christ, the self-righteous are prone to act as if their friend sinned against them, not God .... "Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest." (Psalms 51:4)
"verily every man at his best state is altogether vanity." - This includes us. Me. You.
"For if we would judge ourselves, we should not be judged. 32 But when we are judged, we are chastened of the Lord, that we should not be condemned with the world." 1 Corinthians 11:31-32
"For there is not a just man upon earth, that doeth good, and sinneth not." Ecclesiastes 7:20
"For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not. ... O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?" Romans 7:18, 24
Would you hang, fellowship with the apostle Peter after he denied Jesus 3 times? Then led 8,000 souls to Christ....
Are we underestimating the restoring power of the LORD Jesus Christ? Luke 15
What about king David. Would you have fellowshipped with him after his sin?
Speaking of Romans, called by some "The ABC's of the Christian Faith", perhaps a fresh reading will ground us in the reality of man's evil and God's love, mercy, holiness, and goodness.
Thank you for taking the time to share all of this. I agree that we should never place leaders on a pedestal or forget that every one of us still needs the grace of God daily. Scripture gives us many examples of serious failure, repentance, and restoration. At the same time, grace does not require wounded people to ignore what happened or immediately restore trust. Repentance, accountability, changed behavior, and time are also part of biblical restoration. I believe we have to hold both truths together. No leader is beyond redemption. And no wounded person should be pressured to pretend the damage was not real.
Ah yes as I read your comment 1 Cor 9:27 and 10:12 come to mind for sure. Yes, as usual, the whole of Scripture must be considered and collated, held together as you stated. Blessings in Christ to you brother Chris.
Thank you for this series, Chris. So needed and full of safe and practical advice.
I really enjoyed this article.
One thing I often wonder about is always we are often so quick to vilify our leaders for being human while asking them to help us through our own human shortcomings. Yes, they are to be held to a high standard but we need to be careful not to expect them to be like God, never making a mistake or failing. They are human, just as we are, and often carry a heavy load as they do their best to lead and serve the people.
Rosaline, I really appreciate this perspective. Leaders should be held accountable, especially when real harm has been done. But we also have to leave room for them to be human. There is a difference between confronting unhealthy leadership and expecting a leader to never struggle, fail, or need grace. That balance is not always easy, but it matters.
Wow! I needed this! Why did I ever think leaders were exempt from God breaking the string! This was an epiphany for me today!
Great article, Pastor Chris. Dallas Willard said something along the lines of, "A mature Christian is someone who is very difficult to offend."
I'm certainly not there, but it does speak to the necessity of investing in our own spiritual formation so that when the leadership hurts come, we can surrender the hurt to the Lord as quickly as possible.
Keep up the great work.