Why You Don’t Fit In (And Why That Might Be A Good Thing)

When belonging doesn’t look like you expected

Hey Faith Family! I’m Chris McKinney and I write Faith Unplugged. A newsletter that challenges us when we’re feeling like we don’t fit in. If this article helps you, consider a paid subscription or send me some coffee so I can brew more encouragement. (Ok… I’ll stop the Dad jokes… maybe) 😉

I had a moment not too long ago where I was standing in a room full of people, and I had this strange thought.

“I don’t think I fit here. But I also don’t think I fit anywhere else either.”

It wasn’t that anyone was particularly rude or unkind.
No one said anything wrong.
I just had that quiet feeling in the back of my mind that I was a little different.

Not better.
Not worse.
Just different.

And if I’m being honest, I’ve felt that way in a lot of places in my life.

Too churchy for some groups.
Not churchy enough for other groups.
Too serious for some people.
Too laid back for others.
Too creative for the structured people.
Too structured for the creative people.

You ever feel like that?

Like no matter where you go, you sort of belong, but not completely.
You connect, but you still feel like an outsider just a little bit.

For a long time, I thought something was wrong with me.

Now I’m starting to wonder if maybe that feeling has a purpose.

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The Part No One Tells You

We spend a lot of our lives trying to find where we fit.

That makes sense.
We were made for community.
We were made for belonging.
We were not made to do life alone.

But here’s something I’ve noticed:

Some of the people God uses the most in scripture were people who didn’t fully fit in anywhere.

Think about it.

Moses didn’t fit in with the Egyptians, and he didn’t fully fit in with the Hebrews either.

David was the youngest brother, overlooked and forgotten in the field.

Elijah thought he was the only one left who still followed God.

Jeremiah was mocked and ignored by his own people.

Paul didn’t fit with the religious leaders anymore, and the Christians were afraid of him at first.

Even Jesus was constantly surrounded by people, and yet often misunderstood.

When you read the Bible, you start to notice a pattern.

God often calls people who feel like outsiders.

Not because He wants them to be lonely.
But because when you don’t fully fit into one group, you can love and reach more groups.

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Maybe You Don’t Fit In Because You’re Not Supposed To

This might sound strange at first, but stay with me.

If you fit perfectly into every environment, you would probably just adapt to whatever environment you were in.

You would think like them.
Act like them.
Value what they value.
Chase what they chase.

But when you don’t fully fit, you start asking different questions.

You start noticing things other people don’t notice.
You start caring about things other people overlook.
You start seeing people that other people walk past.

And sometimes, that’s exactly why God put you there.

Not to fit in.
But to be different on purpose.

Jesus said something interesting in John 17. He prayed this to the Father about His followers:

“They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world.” (John 17:16)

In other words, there should be something different about us.

Not weird for the sake of being weird.
Not rude.
Not arrogant.
But different in how we love.
Different in what we chase.
Different in how we treat people.
Different in what we value.

So maybe that feeling you have sometimes, that feeling of not fully fitting in, is not a flaw.

Maybe it’s a sign that you belong to a different kingdom.

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A Hard & Comforting Truth

Here’s the hard truth first:

If you follow Jesus, there will be moments when you feel out of place.

Moments when conversations don’t sit right with you.
Moments when everyone else is chasing something you’re not chasing.
Moments when doing the right thing makes you stand out instead of blend in.

That’s part of it.

But here’s the comforting truth:

Not fitting in does not mean you don’t belong.

It just might mean you haven’t found your people yet.
Or it might mean God is using you right where you are, even if you feel different.

You can be different and still be deeply loved by God.
You can be different and still have a purpose.
You can be different and still belong in the family of God.

Actually, the Church at its best is not a place where everyone is the same.

It’s a place where people who never would have fit together anywhere else become family because of Jesus.

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If You Feel Like You Don’t Fit In

If I could sit across from you right now, here’s what I would tell you.

1. Don’t change who you are just to be accepted by people who don’t see you.
Belonging that requires you to pretend is exhausting.

2. Ask God where you are supposed to serve, not just where you are supposed to fit.
Purpose often matters more than comfort.

3. Look for your people, not just a place.
Sometimes belonging is 3 or 4 people, not a whole room.

4. Remember that being different is not the same as being wrong.
Sometimes it just means you see the world a little differently.

5. Root your identity in Christ, not in where you fit socially.
People’s opinions change. God’s does not.

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One More Thought

Some of the most meaningful friendships in my life didn’t start with, “Wow, we are exactly the same.”

They started with, “You too? I thought I was the only one.”

So if you feel like you don’t fit in, there’s a good chance there are other people around you who feel the exact same way.

And sometimes the people who feel like they don’t fit in are the very people who end up building the kind of community where others finally feel like they belong.

So maybe the goal is not to spend your whole life trying to fit in.

Maybe the goal is to follow Jesus so closely that He slowly leads you to the people you were meant to walk with all along.

And until then, if you feel a little different sometimes, a little out of place sometimes, a little misunderstood sometimes, you’re not alone.

Some of us feel that way too.

And somehow, God still uses people like that all the time.