The Kind of Friendship We All Want (But Rarely Find)
Why most relationships stay surface-level and how to build the kind that actually lasts.
Hey! I’m Chris McKinney and I write Faith Unplugged. If you’re looking for faith-based encouragement that lands in your inbox each week, then go ahead and subscribe. If this article helps you, consider buying me a coffee.
Most people aren’t looking for a crowd.
They’re looking for one or two people who:
Know the real story
See the cracks
And don’t walk away when they do
That’s why the friendship between David and Jonathan hits so deep.
Because it’s not surface-level.
It’s not convenient.
It’s not built on proximity or shared hobbies.
It’s built on something stronger.
When David Found Jonathan
David shows up in 1 Samuel 17 as the kid nobody expected.
He’s overlooked by his family.
Undervalued by others.
Sent to deliver lunch… not win battles.
And then he kills Goliath.
You would think that moment would solve everything.
It didn’t.
Because right after that victory… his life gets complicated fast.
Saul grows jealous.
His future becomes uncertain.
His calling puts a target on his back.
And right in the middle of all that tension…
Jonathan steps in.
“The soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.”
— 1 Samuel 18:1
That phrase… “knit together.”
That’s not casual.
That’s deep connection.
That’s the kind of friendship that doesn’t happen every day.
1. Real Friends See God In You Before You Fully See It Yourself
Jonathan was the king’s son.
He had everything to lose.
Position.
Power.
Inheritance.
And yet… when he looks at David, he doesn’t see a threat.
He sees something God is doing.
“Then Jonathan made a covenant with David… and gave him his robe and his armor.”
— 1 Samuel 18:3–4
That wasn’t just generosity.
That was identity transfer.
Jonathan was saying:
“I see who you’re becoming… and I’m not competing with it.”
That’s rare.
Because most people don’t know how to celebrate what God is doing in someone else when it costs them something.
But real friends?
They don’t compete.
They confirm.
2. Real Friends Protect You When You’re Under Pressure
David didn’t just need encouragement.
He needed protection.
Because Saul wanted him dead.
And Jonathan stepped right into the middle of that tension.
“Jonathan spoke well of David to Saul his father…”
— 1 Samuel 19:4
He advocated for him.
Defended him.
Stood between him and harm.
That’s what real friendship looks like.
Not just “I’m here for you” when it’s easy…
But “I’ve got your back” when it’s complicated.
Let’s be honest.
A lot of people disappear when things get messy.
But the right ones?
They lean in.
3. Real Friends Tell You The Truth… Even When It Hurts
This is where it gets even deeper.
Jonathan didn’t just encourage David.
He also helped him face reality.
When David needed clarity about Saul’s intentions, Jonathan didn’t sugarcoat it.
He told him the truth.
Because real friendship isn’t just about comfort.
It’s about honesty.
“Faithful are the wounds of a friend…”
— Proverbs 27:6
A real friend will say:
“Hey… I love you too much to let you keep going like this.”
Not to tear you down.
But to help you grow.
4. Real Friends Strengthen Your Faith
One of my favorite moments in their story is found in 1 Samuel 23.
David is hiding.
Running.
Exhausted.
And Jonathan finds him.
“Jonathan… went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God.”
— 1 Samuel 23:16
Not strength in himself.
Not strength in hustle.
Strength in God.
That’s the difference.
Anyone can hype you up.
But a real friend will point you back to the Lord when your soul is tired.
They’ll remind you:
“God hasn’t forgotten you.”
“This season isn’t wasted.”
“Keep going.”
So Why Does This Feel So Rare?
Because it is.
Not everyone is Jonathan.
And you’re not meant to be deeply connected to everyone.
Jesus had crowds.
Then 70.
Then 12.
Then 3.
Depth always narrows.
And that can feel discouraging if you’re looking for connection in the wrong places.
What Do You Do If You Don’t Have This Kind of Friendship?
Let me say this first.
You’re not weird.
You’re not too much.
You’re not asking for something unrealistic.
You’re asking for something biblical.
So don’t settle for shallow just because it’s common.
But also don’t sit back and wait.
Here’s where this gets practical.
5 Ways To Build The Kind of Friendship David and Jonathan Had
1. Be the friend you’re looking for
Encourage first. Show up first. Care first.
You don’t find deep friendships by waiting… you build them by initiating.
2. Choose depth over quantity
You don’t need 20 people.
You need 1–2 who really know you.
3. Let people see the real you
This is the hard part.
Surface-level conversations create surface-level relationships.
Take the risk.
4. Pay attention to who shows up consistently
Not just when it’s convenient.
Not just when things are fun.
But when it’s hard.
Those people matter.
5. Invite God into your friendships
Pray for the right people.
Ask God to shape you into the right kind of friend too.
Because this isn’t just about finding Jonathan.
It’s about becoming one.
What Most People Don’t Talk About
David had Jonathan.
But he still spent seasons alone.
Running.
Hiding.
Waiting.
Even the best friendships don’t remove every hard season.
But they remind you that you’re not alone in them.
Before you scroll away…
If you’ve been feeling like:
“I don’t really have people like that.”
Don’t lose heart.
God sees that.
And He cares about that more than you think.
Psalm 68:6 says:
“God sets the lonely in families…”
That includes spiritual family.
That includes friendships.
So keep showing up.
Keep being real.
Keep trusting God with your relationships.
The right people are worth the wait.
If This Resonated With You…
This is why I write.
Not to give perfect answers.
To remind you:
You’re not crazy for wanting real connection.
You’re not alone in feeling this way.
And God is still working in your life. Even in this.
If this encouraged you, subscribe and be part of this community.
And if you want to support what I’m building here, you can do that too.
Either way. I’m glad you’re here.
God works in mysterious ways—I just finished watching “The House of David” on Amazon Prime, which inspired me to read more about the life of David in the Bible, and now, I just came across this article. I think God is trying to tell me something. 🤔 I truly enjoyed reading this article—it really spoke to me. Thank you! 🙏🏻
Great post…with many of the same opportunities within a marriage as well, seeing God at work in our spouse, and protecting them when under pressure!