Confronting Giants

Overcoming Difficult People in Your Life

Hey there! I'm Pastor Chris McKinney, and if you're seeking weekly doses of faith-based encouragement, you've found your community. Subscribe below to join me on this journey of discovering God's purpose. Let's walk together in faith and encouragement each week!

In various seasons of my life, I've found myself asking God, "Why do I seem to attract difficult people?"

Question of the ages, I know.

Encounters with challenging individuals have been a fixture in my workplace, within the church community, and even in my personal relationships. It's led me to question whether "normal" people truly exist, or if they do, perhaps I've yet to cross paths with them.

Reflecting on this, I've come to suspect that my knack for diffusing tense situations and fostering harmony might be the very magnet drawing certain individuals towards me. They find solace in the sense of security that accompanies our interactions.

I never thought I’d be the normal one, but here I am, killing it! 😂

When I find myself in a situation where patience is needed, I realize that dealing with difficult people is easy when you have nothing to lose. As soon as I feel like there’s something to be won or lost, my brain goes into a small panic and says, “I better say the right things or this will really blow up!”

Thankfully, in most cases, I’m a pretty congenial person.

The other day, I was picking up groceries my wife ordered. We use grocery pickup because we’re both busy and the service is convenient. The app said that 13 items on the list were unavailable in the store - important information for later. We pull up to the correct parking space and waited for one of the employees to bring the items out and put them in our car.

To make a long story short, the groceries were loaded haphazardly and the items selected were of poor quality, not items we would use. To top it off, the “associate” didn’t follow directions and wouldn’t look to see if they had the items missing.

Not wanting to come back another day, we parked the car, and I went into the store to see if any of the missing items were on the shelves and to my suprise, every single item they said was “unavailable” was there.

Maybe it’s my age, but there’s a part of me that develops a tick when something is obviously wrong. You mean every one of those items was “unavailable”? What in the world were they thinking?

I paid for the items, and made my way to the exit where an “associate” will check your receipt and permit you to leave the store. I mentioned my frustration to the associate and they listened to me, but ultimately didn’t answer my questoin, and didn’t seem to care that a customer was being treated this way.

I left, put my groceries in the car, and went home.

Why am I telling you this?

Because difficult people are everywhere. We can’t escape them and if you think people aren’t difficult, you might be difficult one.

The older I get, I tend to value the way people are treated. I don’t care about the policy or anything else that might stand in the way of getting what I want. You can tell me no in a nice way and I might be dissapointed, but I will return that respect.

I’ve also had employers and supervisors take their frustration out on me, and I’ve had to sit there and listen, and offer solutions when I’m feeling my blood pressure boiling and all I can see is red while I’m thinking about how their treatment of me or someone else is unfair, and an example of why people with no people skills should never be in leadership.

I’m learning that stress is a natural response that affects both our minds and bodies. Just as a warrior charges onto the battlefield with heightened senses and adrenaline coursing through their veins, our bodies also undergo physiological changes when under stress. Our heart rate increases, pumping more blood to our muscles, preparing us for action. Our senses sharpen, enabling us to react swiftly to perceived threats.

Meanwhile, stress hormones flood our system, mobilizing resources for a fight-or-flight response. This interplay between our nervous system, endocrine system, and other physiological processes primes us to tackle challenges head-on.

So that tick you feel, that urge to stand up and say something or do something about the situation, is perfectly normal. In fact, you were created this way.

Now, what you do about it is another matter.

Ephesians 4:26 - “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,"

Paul wasn’t saying its wrong to be angry, he said “do not sin” and resolve the issue before the day ends.

David was another person that attracted some difficult and powerful people. Saul was one of them. In a previous post, I talked about David’s calling and certainty when going into battle. After defeating Goliath, Saul had to make good on the promises he made to anyone able to defeat the giant.

After David's triumph over Goliath, his fame spread throughout Israel, garnering both admiration and envy. Despite Saul's initial favor, David soon became the object of Saul's jealousy and suspicion.

1 Samuel 18:9–11 (ESV): And Saul eyed David from that day on. The next day a harmful spirit from God rushed upon Saul, and he raved within his house while David was playing the lyre, as he did day by day. Saul had his spear in his hand. And Saul hurled the spear, for he thought, “I will pin David to the wall.” But David evaded him twice.

David narrowly avoided death on multiple occasions. Even as Saul relentlessly pursued him, David clung to the belief that God was in control, orchestrating events according to His divine plan. David’s faith guided his actions but also stirred loyalty among those who recognized God's hand upon him.

We must remember that God is in control. He is sovereign. Placing our trust brings assurance and certainty.

My struggle for many years surrounded dating and marriage. Many marriages in my own family crashed and burned. I didn’t want to be another statistic. It didn’t help that I was working insane hours and had no time for dating in my early twenties. As soon as I gave control over to God and stopped worrying about it, God brought somone into my life that is the perfect compliment. She is everything I wanted and more.

I am blessed because I had confidence that God would work it out, and even if he didn’t, I would have been honored to serve Him in my singleness. Thankfully, that wasn’t God’s plan. We celebrate 15 years this year.

Having the resolve to say, “even if He doesn’t”, gave me the courage to move forward and give the worry, second-guessing, and anxiousness over to God. It doesn’t mean it was easy, but it was worth it.

As David's popularity grew, so did Saul's jealousy and paranoia.

In 1 Samuel 24, we witness a pivotal moment where David has the opportunity to confront Saul, who is vulnerable and unaware of his presence. Despite the urging of his men to take revenge, David chooses to spare Saul's life, refusing to harm God's anointed king.

In this confrontation, David upholds the principles of justice and righteousness while demonstrating loyalty to God's commandments. By speaking truth in love, David models a commitment to God's standards, even when it requires difficult conversations and confrontation.

That couldn’t have been easy, but it was worth it.

David’s profound act of grace challenges us to emulate God's forgiveness and compassion in our own relationships, extending grace even when it's undeserved. David's loyalty to God's mercy serves as a powerful example of extending grace and forgiveness, even to those who have wronged us.

How to Deal With Difficult People

1. Recognize Their Humanity

Difficult people, like King Saul, often come with a plethora of flaws and insecurities.

But guess what? So do we!

Understanding that everyone has their struggles and shortcomings can be a game-changer in how we approach them.

David didn't see Saul as just a tyrant; he saw a man tormented by inner demons.

Likewise, viewing difficult people through the lens of compassion can soften our hearts and open the door to empathy.

However, recognizing their humanity doesn't mean we excuse or tolerate toxic behavior. It simply means we acknowledge that beneath the prickly exterior lies a person in need of grace, just like us.

So the next time your colleague unleashes a verbal barrage or your neighbor cranks up the drama, take a deep breath and remind yourself: they're human too.

2. Set Boundaries

David knew a thing or two about boundaries, especially when it came to dodging Saul's javelins! While we may not face literal projectiles, we encounter plenty of verbal and emotional ones in our daily interactions.

Setting boundaries isn't about building walls; it's about creating healthy space for ourselves and others to thrive.

So, how do we draw the line without burning bridges?

It starts with clear communication and assertiveness. Whether it's expressing our needs, stating our limits, or saying no to unreasonable demands, boundaries empower us to safeguard our well-being while maintaining respect for others.

Remember, it's okay to say no – even to the king.

3. Practice Patience

David's journey with Saul was a testament to the power of patience in navigating turbulent relationships. Despite Saul's erratic behavior, David didn't resort to retaliation or revenge. Instead, he chose to wait on the Lord's timing, trusting that justice would prevail in due time.

Similarly, dealing with difficult people requires a hefty dose of patience.

Whether it's enduring endless complaints, enduring passive-aggressive remarks, or enduring outright hostility, patience enables us to respond with grace rather than react with frustration. It's about recognizing that change takes time – both in others and in ourselves.

4. Seek Wise Counsel

When faced with Saul's relentless pursuit, David didn't go it alone. He sought counsel from trusted mentors like Samuel and Jonathan.

Surrounding himself with wise advisors provided David with much-needed clarity and perspective in navigating the treacherous waters of palace politics.

Seeking wise counsel can be a lifeline in dealing with difficult people. Whether it's confiding in a pastor, seeking guidance from a mentor, or venting to a trusted friend, don't underestimate the power of shared wisdom.

Sometimes, an outside perspective can shed light on blind spots we never knew existed. Don't hesitate to reach out for support when the going gets tough – you're not in this alone.

5. Choose Forgiveness

David's refusal to harbor hatred towards Saul exemplified the transformative power of forgiveness.

Despite Saul's relentless pursuit, David chose to extend mercy instead of vengeance, recognizing that forgiveness wasn't just for Saul's sake but for his own peace of mind.

Choosing forgiveness doesn't mean we excuse or forget the harm inflicted upon us. It means we release the grip of bitterness and entrust justice into God's hands. It's a radical act of liberation that sets us free from the chains of anger and animosity.

Navigating relationships with difficult people requires a delicate balance of grace, wisdom, and resilience. Just as David encountered challenges with Saul, we too face individuals whose actions and attitudes may test our patience and compassion.

Drawing upon the timeless wisdom of Scripture and following David's example of steadfast faith and integrity, we can navigate these turbulent waters with courage and grace.

Let's commit to recognizing the humanity in those who challenge us, setting healthy boundaries to safeguard our well-being, and practicing patience as we navigate the complexities of human relationships. Let's seek wise counsel and surround ourselves with trusted advisors who can provide clarity and perspective in times of uncertainty. And above all, let's choose forgiveness and extend grace, even to those who have wronged us, knowing that in doing so, we find freedom and healing for our own souls.

What strategies have you found effective in navigating challenging relationships? Share your experiences by leaving a comment. Remember, we're here to support each other on this journey of faith and growth!