The Thing We Keep Getting Wrong About Joy

This morning started like most mornings. I woke up, took a minute to get my bearings, grabbed my phone, and started scrolling through social media while I made some coffee.

Pretty normal morning.

Then I came across a video about one of those topics that everyone seems to have an opinion about, especially after last week’s midterm elections.

And for some reason, I decided to read the comments. You’d think I’d know better by now.

People were angry. Some were making assumptions about things they didn’t really know much about. Others were arguing back and forth, and nobody seemed particularly interested in listening to anyone else.

Before I knew it, I’d spent ten minutes reading through all of it. Now I was frustrated, worried, and honestly, a little discouraged.

I hadn't even finished my coffee, and I'd already let something I couldn't control steal the joy from my morning.

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When Did Being Angry Become Proof That You Care?

You don’t have to agree with the results of the midterm elections to recognize that emotions are running pretty high right now.

Some people are genuinely afraid of what comes next. They’re worried about the future, their families, and what the decisions being made today might mean for tomorrow.

Others are happy with the results, but you wouldn’t necessarily know it by listening to them. They’re still angry at the people who voted differently.

And then there’s a third group that’s just tired of everyone fighting. They’d really like us all to calm down and maybe talk about something else for a change.

Honestly, it reminds me of a family with three kids.

The oldest is convinced they’re responsible for everyone. They’re trying to make good decisions, and at the same time, they’re pretty sure they’ll be the ones cleaning up whatever mess happens next.

The middle child is a bit of a mystery. Half the time, nobody knows what they’re doing.

And the youngest? They’re starting fires knowing someone else will probably clean up the mess, and they’re a little offended that everyone isn’t paying more attention to them.

If you’ve ever spent much time around siblings, you know how quickly things can get out of hand. And depending on the day, I think most of us could probably see a little of ourselves in all three.

But here’s what I’ve been thinking about lately.

Sometimes I think we're afraid that if we stop being upset, it means we've stopped caring. As though enjoying our lives somehow means we're ignoring the problems around us.

Caring deeply about something and being constantly angry about it aren’t the same thing. And I wonder how much joy we’ve lost because we’ve started treating them like they are.

There’s already enough anger
and noise in the world.

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The Strange Way We Keep Giving Away Our Joy

There’s a big difference between responding to something important and continuing to expose yourself to voices that leave you fearful or angry.

At some point, we’ve confused staying informed with staying upset and we allow things outside our control to influence how we treat the people closest to us.

Back in my days in family ministry, a parent once told me that their child struggles to process their emotions. So to help them cope, they started calling them BIG feelings.

They would ask questions like, “are you having a BIG feeling right now?” Which in some small way helped the child (and the parent) grasp what was happening in the moment and begin to process why it was happening.

It helped them recognize what they were feeling and gave them a chance to decide what to do about it instead of immediately reacting.

It's funny how we spend so much time teaching children to recognize their emotions, but somewhere along the way, we forget to practice it ourselves.

I wonder how many arguments we could avoid, and how much frustration we could save ourselves, if we learned to recognize what we're feeling before deciding what to do about it.

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A Moment That Made Me Think Differently About Joy

I recently came across a video from Forrest Frank on Instagram that had stirred up quite a bit of controversy.

In the video, he was responding to some provocative political statements about children and families. And as you can imagine, people had plenty to say about it.

What caught my attention was his willingness to speak openly about what he believed, knowing full well that not everyone was going to agree with him. Especially right now, when emotions are running so high.

But it was another video he posted afterward that really got me thinking.

While people were still arguing, criticizing him, and saying some pretty hateful things, there he was, singing a song he had written about joy.

I couldn’t help but smile at the contrast because he chose joy.

I recognize that I don’t always choose joy. Sometimes I choose frustration, or anger for a while and it has an effect on how I treat people. But I've also noticed that when I stop dwelling on what's frustrating me and start focusing on what God is doing, my perspective begins to change.

I loved Forrest’s example because he hadn’t backed away from what he believed. He wasn’t pretending that the things happening in the world didn’t matter. But he also wasn’t allowing the anger directed at him to become the center of his life.

Watching him reminded me that standing firm in what I believe doesn't mean I have to spend my life angry about everything I disagree with.

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Two Men Who Had Every Reason to Be Miserable

Paul and Silas were in Philippi, sharing the gospel and seeing God work in people’s lives. While they were there, they encountered a slave girl who was possessed by an evil spirit. Her owners were taking advantage of her condition, using her ability to tell fortunes to make money.

Paul eventually commanded the spirit to leave her in the name of Jesus, and she was set free.

You’d think that would be something worth celebrating, wouldn’t you?

Well, her owners didn’t see it that way. They had just lost their source of income, and they weren’t happy about it.

So they dragged Paul and Silas before the city authorities, accused them of causing trouble, and stirred up a crowd against them.

The two men were beaten with rods, thrown into prison, and locked in stocks.

Think about that for a moment. They hadn’t committed some terrible crime. They had helped someone find freedom, and now they were sitting in prison because of it.

And after everything they’d been through, what do we find them doing?

“About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the prisoners were listening to them.” (Acts 16:25, ESV)

There was no guarantee they’d be released the following morning. For all they knew, things could get worse. We don’t know exactly what Paul and Silas were thinking or feeling that night. Scripture doesn’t tell us. But it does tell us what they were doing.

They were praying and singing hymns to God. And the other prisoners were listening. I wonder what they thought about two men who had every reason to complain but were singing instead.

I don’t know about you, but that challenges me. When everything around me feels like a dumpster fire, praying usually isn’t the hard part. I can cry out to God when I’m frustrated, afraid, or wondering what in the world is happening.

But worship? That’s another story.

I’ve had plenty of moments when my prayers sounded a lot more like questions than praise. Times when I’ve asked God where He was, why He was allowing something to happen, or how much longer I was supposed to keep going.

And sometimes, if I’m being completely transparent, I’ve felt a little like David when he cried out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Psalm 22:1, ESV).

I know God hasn’t abandoned me. But knowing something is true and feeling like it’s true aren’t always the same thing.

That’s why I keep coming back to Paul and Silas.

They weren’t worshiping because their circumstances had suddenly improved. They were still sitting in that prison cell when they began singing.

And I wonder if that’s something we’ve been missing when it comes to joy.

Maybe we’ve spent so much time waiting for things to get better that we’ve forgotten we can still worship God while we’re waiting.

Worship doesn't always change what's happening around us. But it has a way of reminding us who God is, even when nothing else makes sense.

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The Thing We Keep Getting Wrong About Joy

I think joy is one of the most overlooked tools we have as believers.

Paul tells us:

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:4-7)

Notice that Paul doesn’t tell us to rejoice because everything is going well. He tells us to rejoice in the Lord.

Our circumstances are constantly changing. One day things are going great, and the next we’re wondering what in the world happened. People disappoint us. Plans fall apart. Something we thought was finally getting better suddenly gets worse.

But Jesus hasn’t changed.

The writer of Hebrews reminds us:

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8)

And I think that’s where we sometimes get joy wrong.

We sometimes treat joy like it's something we can only experience when life is going our way. But biblical joy isn't the absence of grief, and it doesn't mean pretending everything is okay. It's a fruit of the Holy Spirit, something God develops in us as we grow in our relationship with Him, even when life is difficult.

Still, it’s easy to fall into the habit of telling ourselves, I'll finally be able to enjoy life when...

When we finally get ahead financially. When things settle down at work. When the kids stop fighting. When the election is over and things get back to normal.

But have you noticed what usually happens?

You finally get a little breathing room financially, and the car needs new tires. Work settles down, but now something’s going on at home. The election ends, and somehow everyone finds something new to argue about.

There’s always something.

And I wonder how many good moments we’ve missed because we were so focused on the things that weren’t going right.

We can be genuinely concerned about what’s happening in our lives and still enjoy dinner with our families. We can be disappointed about something that hasn’t worked out and still laugh with a friend. We can have unanswered prayers and still find reasons to thank God.

And if we keep waiting for everything to fall into place before we allow ourselves to enjoy life, we might spend an awful lot of our lives waiting.

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What If Joy Is an Act of Rebellion?

What if we started pushing back against some of the things the world keeps telling us?

Paul writes in Romans 12:2 that we’re not to be conformed to this world, but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. And I wonder if that includes the way we respond to everything happening around us.

Think about it. It almost feels like we’re expected to be angry about something all the time. There’s always another controversy, another reason to worry, or another person we’re supposed to be upset with.

And if we’re not careful, we start believing that’s just how we’re supposed to live.

But following Jesus doesn’t mean we have to respond to everything the way the world does. That doesn’t mean ignoring suffering or pretending that things aren’t wrong. There are real problems in our world, and some of them deserve more than our attention. They deserve action.

But there’s a difference between caring about what’s happening and allowing it to consume us. Think about Paul and Silas. They weren’t pretending their circumstances were good. They had been beaten and thrown into prison. But they weren’t going to let that prison cell keep them from worshiping God.

And maybe that’s what choosing joy looks like for us sometimes. Not rebellion against God, but refusing to let a broken world determine how we live.

We can stand against what’s wrong without forgetting how to enjoy what’s right.

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The Next Time Something Tries to Steal Your Joy

The next time you come across something that makes you angry or worried, I want to encourage you to ask yourself a question.

Does this need something from me, or am I just letting it take something from me?

There are things happening in our world that deserve our attention. Sometimes we need to speak up, help someone who’s hurting, have a difficult conversation, or get involved in making something better.

And sometimes the most important thing we can do is pray.

But sometimes we spend hours worrying about things we can't change. We keep scrolling, hoping to find something helpful, and end up more frustrated than when we started.

I’ve certainly been guilty of that.

Maybe the next time you feel yourself getting worked up, put the phone down for a while. Pray for the people involved, including the ones you disagree with.

Then go enjoy the life God has given you.

You don’t have to feel guilty about enjoying something good just because there are still things in the world that need to change.

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You Still Have Reasons to Rejoice

Tomorrow morning, there’s a pretty good chance I’ll pick up my phone while I’m making coffee. And I’m sure there will be another headline, another controversy, and plenty of people who are angry about something.

Maybe I’ll be a little wiser about how much attention I give it.

Because when I put that phone down, I still have a wife to love, people to care for, and plenty of reasons to thank God for His goodness.

Paul reminds us in Philippians 3:20 that our citizenship is in heaven. Whatever happens here, Jesus is still on His throne.

So enjoy your coffee. Laugh with someone you love. Stand firm in what you believe, and keep praying for the things that concern you.

The world may keep demanding your anger, but it doesn’t get to decide where you find your joy.

A Little Less Noise. A Little More Jesus

Following Jesus doesn’t mean life gets easier or that we’ll always have the answers. That’s why I write Faith Unplugged. Every week, I share honest thoughts about faith, the struggles we face, and what it looks like to keep trusting God when life gets messy.

If you could use a little more encouragement and hope in your week, I’d love for you to join us. Subscribe for free. I’d love to have you here.

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I’d love to hear from you.

What’s something you’ve realized was taking more of your joy than it deserved?

Maybe it was something happening at work, a relationship, or just spending too much time worrying about things you couldn’t control.

Share your experience in the comments. I think we’d all benefit from knowing we’re not the only ones learning how to navigate this.